Tomorrow, November 1st, is All Saints Day. What's that? If you're American, chances are you don't even know. I would bet that if you took a random selection of Americans, from both rural and urban areas, that more than half of them couldn't tell you when and what All Saints Day is. I only found out about it because apparently it's the Anglo equivalent of Dio de Los Muertos, which is celebrated in San Francisco, where I used to live.
Well, all Germans sure do know about All Saints Day. Why? Because it's on the long roster of national holidays! That's right: make sure you go grocery shopping on October 31st (which, incidentally is not Halloween as that doesn't really exist here), because ain't nothin' open on November 1st.
And November isn't the only month which has a national holiday on its first day, May 1st is also a holiday. I don't even know what it's called, but it's about celebrating workers by not working. In fact, May is the month which holds the most of these one-day wonders. I'm too lazy (and Babu will wake up from his nap too soon) to look it up, but there are something like 4 or 5 one-day holidays in May. They all fall on Mondays and Thursdays. The school where I teach even offers students whose regular lessons happen on Mondays or Thursdays an extra free Saturday workshop in May to make up for all the classes they miss due to these holidays. Most of these one day holidays are Catholic or Christian, days that in America only nuns and cardinals observe. That's why I can't even translate the German names into English because they're days I'm not even aware of in English.
On the subject of holidays and translations, German has a word which doesn't exist in English, simply because we don't have the need since we don't have all these holidays: Brückentag. It means, literally, bridge day, and it's the Friday between one of those Thursday holidays and the weekend....or, as the case with tomorrow's holiday which falls on a Tuesday, the Monday which bridges the day off to the weekend. Lots of people use one of their given days off from work on a Brückentag to make a four day weekend.
Which brings me to the next related point: German employees get 30 paid days off per year. That's six work weeks per year. In addition to all these one-day holidays (I think there are around 10-12 of those, depending on the state). So that means the average German works 10 out of 12 months per year, so to speak. This is one aspect of European (it's not just German) culture I can really get behind! In fact, it's one of the reasons I would be reluctant to move back to America. Americans get, on average, 10 paid days off per year. If they're lucky. Many can not or do not actually get to take these days, and if I'm not mistaken in most states there's no law guaranteeing they get them. It's not unusual for an American to go years without a holiday. That would never, ever happen here. Not only is it forbidden by law, but it's so deeply ingrained in the culture that it would be unthinkable to either willingly or by force miss out on your holidays. Germans gasp at the idea of only 2 weeks paid vacation per year. As well they should! Not only do Americans get cheated on paid vacations, but these Christian holidays (like All Saints Day) are not days off ~well, besides Christmas and Easter Monday. Sure, they have Presidents Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day and July 4th ~none of which exist here~ but in comparison to Europe, Americans have a serious lack of vacations.
One might be tempted to believe Americans, since they work far more hours per week and days per year than Europeans, are hard workers. Alas, this is not the case. My theory goes that since Americans are expected to work long weeks, often with unpaid overtime (in Germany the average workweek is 38 hours and overtime is, by law, always paid, very often in, you guessed it: days off!), they get their revenge by slacking off and not working all that hard. Whereas Germans, to whom holidays are an entitlement just like food, shelter and water, are some of the most hard-working and efficient folks on this planet (yes, another true stereotype!). Germans take their work very seriously, but they also take their leisure time just as seriously. (Count on the Germans to make fun a serious endeavor!). Here's a beautiful German word that has no English equivalent: Feierabend. Feier means celebration and Abend means evening. Feierabend means when you get off work and then have the evening to do with what you please. It's the time of day when you arrive home, have a drink and plan your next holiday. I love that Germans honor this feeling: "Yay! Work is over for today!" with its very own word.
As I said, I am in full favor of this aspect of German / European culture. I would miss it very sorely if I ever moved back to the US. However, there are two down sides: if you are a freelancer, none of this applies to you. My hubby is a freelancer, and I was for many years. Freelancers do not get any paid holidays. Of course they get the national holidays off, but they're unpaid. It's kind of expected that they, too, will take those precious 30 days off throughout the year, so they do "get" them, so to speak. But they're not paid. There are many aspects of the German / European system which are a "you work for us, we work for you" kind of policy. And, according to this socialist-ic-y view, freelancers are not part of the system because *gasp!* they are working for themselves and not society. I'll never forget how my late good friend (and fellow freelancer) Ian used to say: "They only recently stopped burning freelancers at the stake in Germany". Haha, miss you Ian!
The other down side to this holiday madness is if you happen to be the employer. I am not an employer, but my son does attend daycare and although it's private and the daycare provider is, I believe, freelance, she still gets those 6 weeks a year off. Paid. That means we pay for six weeks of daycare we don't get. Not to mention all these other days off, also paid. By us. Gah! I know this contradicts what I just said about freelancers not getting paid days off, but since there is a severe lack of daycare places in Germany (another topic for another day), daycare providers can easily give themselves six paid weeks off per year and no one will complain, since we're just happy to have found decent daycare at all! At this time Babu hasn't even been in daycare six months, and already she has had two two week periods closed, in addition to about six individual national holidays. From my perspective this has been an expensive pain in the ass.
But I have to keep it all in the bigger picture here. It's worth it to have what seems like part-time daycare and pay for full-time, if it means I live amongst people who hold their free time very dear. Germans may be imbalanced in other ways, but they definitely have a balanced view of work and free time.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Gender Benders
Ah, the ladies of Germany. Where to begin? Why not with some of their names. Now, most German girls these days have pretty "normal" by English-speaking standards names: among the top 20 in 2010 were Emily, Anna, Lily, Marie, Sarah and Sophie. But go back about 50 or 60 years and you find some pretty outrageous (to us Anglos) sounding clunker-of-a-name names: Dagmar, Gudrun, Irmgard, Ute, Baerbel, Reinhilde, Jutta, Doerte, Hildegard, Ingeborg, Traudel, Edeltraut, Sigrid, and Heidrun. And then there are all the names ending with "-ke", which apparently used to be a diminuitive way back when: Heike, Wiebke, Imke, Silke, Ulrike, Elke und Frauke to name just a few. I have encountered most of these names either through my work as an English teacher or in my very own German family. I'm always amazed to learn yet another of these old-fashioned and very brute sounding German names.
And yet somehow, these harsh names suit the women of Germany. Yes, for better or worse the stereotype is true: German women tend to be masculine. In fact, it happens to me I would guess about once a week that I see a woman out there in the city and have to do a "gender check" if it's a man or a woman. Or, I see someone I at first believe to be a man, and then as they get closer or on second inspection they turn out to be a woman. But those are the more extreme cases. Your average run-of-the-mill German woman is clearly a woman ~just not a very soft and typically feminine woman. Many if not most have short hair. But that alone is not enough to make a woman seem masculine. It's the facial expressions, the way they walk and carry their bodies, the way they dress and their no-bullshit attitude. Again, I feel like I'm getting into tricky territory here using the word "they" and lumping all German women into one category. Of course there are plenty of perfectly soft and feminine German women out there. But after observing the womenfolk of this land for years now I can say with certainty that there is an abundance of masculine energy in a far higher percentage of the women here than you see in America. Put it this way: there are loads of German women out there who, if you saw them in any American city you'd immediately think: "dyke"....but no, not here. By now I just think "Yup, German". I really wonder what the actual dykes of Germany do. It must be really frustrating for them because so many more women seem like lesbians than actually are. It would take a very finely tuned gaydar to detect a real dyke around here!
I always wonder where this came from and how they got like that. It's easy to think that the two major world wars had something to do with it, and I'm sure it had. But I feel there is something deeper to it as well. I'd be willing to bet that the Germanic women centuries ago were also tough and no-nonsense. Who knows. I'm sure someone wrote their sociology thesis on it and I'd be interested to read it. All I know is: some of the women in this country are nearly men and it's provided an endless parade of great people watching for me as I go about my business out there.
And yet somehow, these harsh names suit the women of Germany. Yes, for better or worse the stereotype is true: German women tend to be masculine. In fact, it happens to me I would guess about once a week that I see a woman out there in the city and have to do a "gender check" if it's a man or a woman. Or, I see someone I at first believe to be a man, and then as they get closer or on second inspection they turn out to be a woman. But those are the more extreme cases. Your average run-of-the-mill German woman is clearly a woman ~just not a very soft and typically feminine woman. Many if not most have short hair. But that alone is not enough to make a woman seem masculine. It's the facial expressions, the way they walk and carry their bodies, the way they dress and their no-bullshit attitude. Again, I feel like I'm getting into tricky territory here using the word "they" and lumping all German women into one category. Of course there are plenty of perfectly soft and feminine German women out there. But after observing the womenfolk of this land for years now I can say with certainty that there is an abundance of masculine energy in a far higher percentage of the women here than you see in America. Put it this way: there are loads of German women out there who, if you saw them in any American city you'd immediately think: "dyke"....but no, not here. By now I just think "Yup, German". I really wonder what the actual dykes of Germany do. It must be really frustrating for them because so many more women seem like lesbians than actually are. It would take a very finely tuned gaydar to detect a real dyke around here!
I always wonder where this came from and how they got like that. It's easy to think that the two major world wars had something to do with it, and I'm sure it had. But I feel there is something deeper to it as well. I'd be willing to bet that the Germanic women centuries ago were also tough and no-nonsense. Who knows. I'm sure someone wrote their sociology thesis on it and I'd be interested to read it. All I know is: some of the women in this country are nearly men and it's provided an endless parade of great people watching for me as I go about my business out there.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Muscle Men
I saw this faceless guy on the tram the other day (I blurred out his face because I just think it's better to use anonymous people for my examples, especially when I think how horrified I'd be if I saw my picture being used as an example on someone's blog):
and it reminded me of one of those things I do NOT miss about America: muscle men. Now, this guy in the picture is not even the type of guy I'm referring to ~I'm just giving you an insight into my thought process here. That guy is definitely someone who works out (hence the gym bag and bicep bulging out of his arm), but it's not something you would even notice necessarily. I'm referring to those guys who spend all their free time at the gym, pumping iron and their egos, who end up looking like someone shoved an air hose up their ass. This general body type looks kinda like this faceless fellow:
Don't get me wrong, I am all for people going to the gym and keeping fit, and taking a keen interest in that as a hobby. But let's be honest here: some guys (and gals, but in a very different way) are just a little too interested in their own bodies. It's a form of narcissism. I tend to believe that many if not most of these fellows have, deep down underneath all those muscles, a real sense of insecurity. Same with the idiots who cruise around in souped-up cars (or any cars) real loud driving way too fast (reminds me: souped-up cars and monster trucks are another aspect of American culture I do not miss one bit!). A really secure man who feels naturally self-confident just doesn't need to do that. Again: I'm sure lots of secure, self-confident and kind, sensitive men are also into bodybuilding, and driving fast. But there's a fine line between being fit ~or even buff~ and being just too into yourself and too puffed-out with the muscles.
In any case, one seldom sees such bodies walking around the streets of Germany, thank god. I even considered waiting until I could get a better example than the guy pictured above whom I saw on the tram yesterday, but the truth is it could take up to a year to see one of those overly-buff muscle guys out there. They really are just that rare.
I had to ask myself: why is that? I'm really not sure, but my first thought was about German men in general. They tend to be, well, I can't think of a better word: weak. I don't mean physically puny ~the fact that the elevator at my local train stop is permanently broken and I need to ask someone to help me carry the stroller down and up the stairs every time we go to the city proves that. I mean that German men are somehow lacking in that strong, masculine, forward-moving initiative that is one of the many defining characteristics of being male. I don't mean the "mama's boy" variety of male weakness either. It's a very special quality the German men tend to have, something that brings to mind a fuzzy grey area where a "real man" should be moving about in clearly defined bold hues. Man almighty I don't feel qualified to open the can of worms squirming about right now. This is the kind of thing to be discussed in a Gender Studies or Anthropology course. I have no freaking idea why the gender roles in this country are so askew. (I'm also preparing a post about the German women ~lookout!). But somehow, they are. And I believe that may have some influence on the way German men shy away from bodybuilding like a cat avoids water.
There is, however, another side to this story (as always). I have to give credit to my German husband for letting me in on this as I asked him his view on this matter. There is also a way in which the menfolk of this land simply don't need to "prove" their manliness through their muscles. I already touched on the way muscle men are actually insecure under all the macho muscles. The muscles are only a way of proving to themselves and everyone else how manly and strong they are, when in reality they feel like helpless little kittens inside. German men would (and do) laugh at that. It's just a show. It's not real. It's superficial. One thing Germans are not is superficial (superficiality is in fact the #1 quality Germans criticize about Americans). A German man is more likely to prove his prowess through intellectual, spiritual, or creative means. And I love that! I love that the whole macho trip doesn't fly here.
One more thing: apparently there is a bodybuilding community out there. And the store they all go to for supplies, guess what it's called?
Yep, that's right: The American Fitness Shop. See the All-American, puffed out muscle mannequin standing outside the store?
Just one way American culture has seeped into Germany. But, luckily, not too much.
and it reminded me of one of those things I do NOT miss about America: muscle men. Now, this guy in the picture is not even the type of guy I'm referring to ~I'm just giving you an insight into my thought process here. That guy is definitely someone who works out (hence the gym bag and bicep bulging out of his arm), but it's not something you would even notice necessarily. I'm referring to those guys who spend all their free time at the gym, pumping iron and their egos, who end up looking like someone shoved an air hose up their ass. This general body type looks kinda like this faceless fellow:
Don't get me wrong, I am all for people going to the gym and keeping fit, and taking a keen interest in that as a hobby. But let's be honest here: some guys (and gals, but in a very different way) are just a little too interested in their own bodies. It's a form of narcissism. I tend to believe that many if not most of these fellows have, deep down underneath all those muscles, a real sense of insecurity. Same with the idiots who cruise around in souped-up cars (or any cars) real loud driving way too fast (reminds me: souped-up cars and monster trucks are another aspect of American culture I do not miss one bit!). A really secure man who feels naturally self-confident just doesn't need to do that. Again: I'm sure lots of secure, self-confident and kind, sensitive men are also into bodybuilding, and driving fast. But there's a fine line between being fit ~or even buff~ and being just too into yourself and too puffed-out with the muscles.
In any case, one seldom sees such bodies walking around the streets of Germany, thank god. I even considered waiting until I could get a better example than the guy pictured above whom I saw on the tram yesterday, but the truth is it could take up to a year to see one of those overly-buff muscle guys out there. They really are just that rare.
I had to ask myself: why is that? I'm really not sure, but my first thought was about German men in general. They tend to be, well, I can't think of a better word: weak. I don't mean physically puny ~the fact that the elevator at my local train stop is permanently broken and I need to ask someone to help me carry the stroller down and up the stairs every time we go to the city proves that. I mean that German men are somehow lacking in that strong, masculine, forward-moving initiative that is one of the many defining characteristics of being male. I don't mean the "mama's boy" variety of male weakness either. It's a very special quality the German men tend to have, something that brings to mind a fuzzy grey area where a "real man" should be moving about in clearly defined bold hues. Man almighty I don't feel qualified to open the can of worms squirming about right now. This is the kind of thing to be discussed in a Gender Studies or Anthropology course. I have no freaking idea why the gender roles in this country are so askew. (I'm also preparing a post about the German women ~lookout!). But somehow, they are. And I believe that may have some influence on the way German men shy away from bodybuilding like a cat avoids water.
There is, however, another side to this story (as always). I have to give credit to my German husband for letting me in on this as I asked him his view on this matter. There is also a way in which the menfolk of this land simply don't need to "prove" their manliness through their muscles. I already touched on the way muscle men are actually insecure under all the macho muscles. The muscles are only a way of proving to themselves and everyone else how manly and strong they are, when in reality they feel like helpless little kittens inside. German men would (and do) laugh at that. It's just a show. It's not real. It's superficial. One thing Germans are not is superficial (superficiality is in fact the #1 quality Germans criticize about Americans). A German man is more likely to prove his prowess through intellectual, spiritual, or creative means. And I love that! I love that the whole macho trip doesn't fly here.
One more thing: apparently there is a bodybuilding community out there. And the store they all go to for supplies, guess what it's called?
Yep, that's right: The American Fitness Shop. See the All-American, puffed out muscle mannequin standing outside the store?
Just one way American culture has seeped into Germany. But, luckily, not too much.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Throwin' Stones
Yesterday I had an interesting discipline situation with Babu while we were out in the city. We were at our favorite veggie restaurant / meditation center, as we often are (Babu loves to run around and flirt with everyone, and stop when he sees a Buddha statue and go "Booooo-DAH"). They have this fountain there that is a big stone ball spinning round in a base of water. Since he was about 6 months old Babu has loved this fountain. Now that he's talking and one of the main themes of his life (in addition to nursing ["booboo"] and cars ["Auto"]) is playing with a ball, he gets especially excited around this fountain ("Ball! Ball! Ball!"). The fountain sits in a little basin filled with pebbles and little stones. In the past Babu would take the stones out and drop them around and we'd have to run after him and pick them back up. That alone would be reason for discipline in some parents' minds ("Stop touching those stones!"), but for us that is just what babies do and no big deal.
Well, now that Babu is a toddler with his own ideas and an insatiable curiosity, he has reached the phase of seeing how fun it is to throw stuff. Most meals involve plenty of food tossing, which is especially hilarious when one of us offers him something and tries to hand it to him ("Babu, you want a piece of cheese?") and he proceeds to grab it and throw it as far as possible to the side to indicate "No thanks". Dontcha just wish it were socially acceptable for adults to do that sometimes? It would be fun! Just imagine taking a bite of cake and realizing it tastes horrible, and then hurling the whole piece across the room and saying "YUUUUK!". What an expression! Anyway, Babu had a playdate with his best buddy the other day and this same age friend of his is in a throwing phase. He was tossing everything about and we had to take away some of the wood toys as they become clobbering weapons in this little guy's eager-to-throw hands. Well, that very evening I noticed Babu throwing some of his toys around in the exact way his buddy had been doing. These behavioral phases are like viruses. Kids see each other behaving in a certain way and think "Hey, that might be fun to try out, how 'bout it?" It's part of their growth to experiment, and it's natural and beautiful.....and annoying, when it involves making a huge mess, screaming, and/or possible bodily or emotional harm to a person or animal.
Enter the responsible parent, whose job it is to kindly and lovingly redirect said child, as well as somehow find a way teach them "We don't do that". Both of these elements ~the redirection and the teaching~ are tricky. Particularly the teaching, as a 16 month old has a very limited brain and can only comprehend so much. In fact, the very idea of "Don't" is too abstract for a toddler. Yet how often do we say "We don't do that" or "No"?.
Now, as a good AP mama, I followed the "Prepare for pregnancy, birth and parenting" principle of Attachment Parenting by reading loads of books and articles about every aspect of parenting. I have several discipline books (a couple faves are Discipline Without Distress by Judy Arnall, Playful Parenting by Lawrence J Cohen, Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey, and the books reviewed in previous posts) and felt pretty prepared to handle the typical situations that arise with toddlers.
So what happened yesterday was that Babu was sitting by the fountain (actually he was more in the fountain) enjoying the ball, when he decided those pebbles and stones would be great fun to throw about. And so the great fountain stone toss began! At first I was taking them out of his hands and saying "We don't throw stones Babu", "The stones belong in the fountain". But that's like telling the sun "We don't rise in the east". Then I remembered the sage advice of most AP / Positive / Gentle Discipline teachers and parents that you're supposed to, rather than stop the impulse to do whatever it is they're doing (which can be invasive to the child as well as squelching their natural life energy), set up a situation where it's safe and acceptable to keep doing it. So, for example, when a kid is coloring on the walls, you're supposed to put up a huge roll of paper where they can color, or even designate a wall in their room for coloring (which I think is a great idea actually, what do I care if the walls in Babu's room are crayon-covered?). Now, Babu being obsessed with balls, I usually have one handy. Especially the last couple days since he's been experimenting with throwing, I try to have a ball on hand at all times and in every room of the house. So, I whipped out the ball, feeling like such the awesome Gentle Discipline Mama. "Here Babu, throw this". He did throw it, and then took another handful of stones right away and threw that. D'oh! I guess it's kind of like if you wanted to dance to really hard rock music and someone else thought it was too loud and hectic, and said "I see you want to dance, good! Here, let me put on some soft New Age music, you can dance to that". Yeah right! We went through that routine a few times and I realized that was not going to work. And I was trying so hard not to get upset, even though I was actually really annoyed. Aha! Here I was, in one of those situations I'd only read about up until then. I really didn't want to throw my annoyance on Babu, it wouldn't be fair. He was just being a child, curious about the feeling and effect of throwing stones around. Not to mention trying to assert some power in a world where he has very little control. How can I blame him for that? Hell, if I were small and people were always picking me up and moving me around and running my whole life for me without my consent, I'd be pretty eager to show power and control wherever I could. It's not fair to get angry at a child for being this way. However, we are humans and it is downright frustrating when your child is doing something dangerous and won't stop. It's also frustrating that they keep doing it and won't listen and, dare I say that evil word, obey. The last thing I want is to create a child who always listens and does what he's told, blindly following authority (it reminds me, when asked what the worst German characteristic was, Goethe said "obedience"). I want to nurture the qualities of thinking for oneself and questioning authority. But uh-oh, I am the authority figure here, so guess what that means?
Okay I see that I'm blathering here and I want to close it up, so here's the end of this story: I realized I had to use the old tactic of removing the child from the situation. I was expecting him to scream and protest and thrash about, but he actually didn't. I did a double hit of removal and distraction (I can't remember what I distracted him with actually, probably a car) and ta-daaaa, that was the solution. And even if he had pitched a little fit about being removed, I would've done the validation thing: "You want to play by the fountain and I'm taking you away, I know how frustrating that must be" and fully allowed him to feel his anger and frustration...and luckily not feel ashamed of this as some parents do in public (well, I would've if anyone gave me a nasty look actually...hence the tip to never look at other people when your kid is throwing a fit in public) because this particular place we were at tends to attract the type of people who understand and won't judge a child for showing emotions (aka the spiritual / meditation crowd). If it had gotten really bad I probably would've taken him for a walk until he calmed down. But, lucky me, we somehow averted a major incident. This time.
Well, now that Babu is a toddler with his own ideas and an insatiable curiosity, he has reached the phase of seeing how fun it is to throw stuff. Most meals involve plenty of food tossing, which is especially hilarious when one of us offers him something and tries to hand it to him ("Babu, you want a piece of cheese?") and he proceeds to grab it and throw it as far as possible to the side to indicate "No thanks". Dontcha just wish it were socially acceptable for adults to do that sometimes? It would be fun! Just imagine taking a bite of cake and realizing it tastes horrible, and then hurling the whole piece across the room and saying "YUUUUK!". What an expression! Anyway, Babu had a playdate with his best buddy the other day and this same age friend of his is in a throwing phase. He was tossing everything about and we had to take away some of the wood toys as they become clobbering weapons in this little guy's eager-to-throw hands. Well, that very evening I noticed Babu throwing some of his toys around in the exact way his buddy had been doing. These behavioral phases are like viruses. Kids see each other behaving in a certain way and think "Hey, that might be fun to try out, how 'bout it?" It's part of their growth to experiment, and it's natural and beautiful.....and annoying, when it involves making a huge mess, screaming, and/or possible bodily or emotional harm to a person or animal.
Enter the responsible parent, whose job it is to kindly and lovingly redirect said child, as well as somehow find a way teach them "We don't do that". Both of these elements ~the redirection and the teaching~ are tricky. Particularly the teaching, as a 16 month old has a very limited brain and can only comprehend so much. In fact, the very idea of "Don't" is too abstract for a toddler. Yet how often do we say "We don't do that" or "No"?.
Now, as a good AP mama, I followed the "Prepare for pregnancy, birth and parenting" principle of Attachment Parenting by reading loads of books and articles about every aspect of parenting. I have several discipline books (a couple faves are Discipline Without Distress by Judy Arnall, Playful Parenting by Lawrence J Cohen, Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey, and the books reviewed in previous posts) and felt pretty prepared to handle the typical situations that arise with toddlers.
So what happened yesterday was that Babu was sitting by the fountain (actually he was more in the fountain) enjoying the ball, when he decided those pebbles and stones would be great fun to throw about. And so the great fountain stone toss began! At first I was taking them out of his hands and saying "We don't throw stones Babu", "The stones belong in the fountain". But that's like telling the sun "We don't rise in the east". Then I remembered the sage advice of most AP / Positive / Gentle Discipline teachers and parents that you're supposed to, rather than stop the impulse to do whatever it is they're doing (which can be invasive to the child as well as squelching their natural life energy), set up a situation where it's safe and acceptable to keep doing it. So, for example, when a kid is coloring on the walls, you're supposed to put up a huge roll of paper where they can color, or even designate a wall in their room for coloring (which I think is a great idea actually, what do I care if the walls in Babu's room are crayon-covered?). Now, Babu being obsessed with balls, I usually have one handy. Especially the last couple days since he's been experimenting with throwing, I try to have a ball on hand at all times and in every room of the house. So, I whipped out the ball, feeling like such the awesome Gentle Discipline Mama. "Here Babu, throw this". He did throw it, and then took another handful of stones right away and threw that. D'oh! I guess it's kind of like if you wanted to dance to really hard rock music and someone else thought it was too loud and hectic, and said "I see you want to dance, good! Here, let me put on some soft New Age music, you can dance to that". Yeah right! We went through that routine a few times and I realized that was not going to work. And I was trying so hard not to get upset, even though I was actually really annoyed. Aha! Here I was, in one of those situations I'd only read about up until then. I really didn't want to throw my annoyance on Babu, it wouldn't be fair. He was just being a child, curious about the feeling and effect of throwing stones around. Not to mention trying to assert some power in a world where he has very little control. How can I blame him for that? Hell, if I were small and people were always picking me up and moving me around and running my whole life for me without my consent, I'd be pretty eager to show power and control wherever I could. It's not fair to get angry at a child for being this way. However, we are humans and it is downright frustrating when your child is doing something dangerous and won't stop. It's also frustrating that they keep doing it and won't listen and, dare I say that evil word, obey. The last thing I want is to create a child who always listens and does what he's told, blindly following authority (it reminds me, when asked what the worst German characteristic was, Goethe said "obedience"). I want to nurture the qualities of thinking for oneself and questioning authority. But uh-oh, I am the authority figure here, so guess what that means?
Okay I see that I'm blathering here and I want to close it up, so here's the end of this story: I realized I had to use the old tactic of removing the child from the situation. I was expecting him to scream and protest and thrash about, but he actually didn't. I did a double hit of removal and distraction (I can't remember what I distracted him with actually, probably a car) and ta-daaaa, that was the solution. And even if he had pitched a little fit about being removed, I would've done the validation thing: "You want to play by the fountain and I'm taking you away, I know how frustrating that must be" and fully allowed him to feel his anger and frustration...and luckily not feel ashamed of this as some parents do in public (well, I would've if anyone gave me a nasty look actually...hence the tip to never look at other people when your kid is throwing a fit in public) because this particular place we were at tends to attract the type of people who understand and won't judge a child for showing emotions (aka the spiritual / meditation crowd). If it had gotten really bad I probably would've taken him for a walk until he calmed down. But, lucky me, we somehow averted a major incident. This time.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Oktoberfest!
Last weekend, for the second time in my life, I went to Oktoberfest. My mother-in-law lives in Munich and my own mom was visiting from the US, so we decided to take a little trip down there during this unique festival. I figure a blog themed around German culture really needs to see an entry if I go to this event, so here ya go. Because after all, if anything represents German culture, it's Oktoberfest, right? Actually, not really. Although most Americans, if asked what is "German", would recite a list of things typically seen at Oktoberfest: Lederhosen, Dirndls, big mugs of beer, pretzels, and the flags with the blue and white check design....actually these things are all typical of Bavarian culture, not exactly German culture. Well okay, the rest of Germany is also really into beer, it's true. And you can get pretzels just about anywhere. But the Lederhosen, Dirdls and all the rest of it is Bavarian. Bavaria is just one of 16 states in Germany. And it's got its very own culture. In fact, I'm not sure about this but I'd be willing to bet there's some sort of secessionist movement happening among the more deluded Bavarians out there. Bavarians tend to think Bavaria is superior to the rest of Germany and somehow special. In any case, no matter how important or dominating they try to be, it is still one of sixteen states and while its culture is quaint and unique, it is not representative of all German culture. I suppose because of the popularity of Oktoberfest and how many Americans come over just for that, that's how this image of Bavarian culture came to represent German culture to most Americans. So, just to be clear: the "German culture" seen at Oktoberfest is more "Bavarian culture" than anything. And many would argue by this point in time it's mostly just a big costume party, quite literally a song and dance production which is more about getting drunk and dancing on tables and then going on a roller coaster and throwing up, than anything truly Bavarian.
Oktoberfest lasts between 16-18 days, ends on the last Sunday of October, and has been an annual event for more than 200 years. It started out as public celebrations and horse races to celebrate the marriage of Prince Ludwig to Princess Therese in 1810 and soon became an annual event. Later an agricultural fair was added, as well as various other traditions. It is the world's largest fair and these days around 7 million people visit it each year (!!!!!).
Of course, we all know what it's really all about: drinking loads and loads of beer! There are, I believe, eight local breweries that each build their own huge beer tent (it takes about 4 months to build what is essentially the town of Oktoberfest) and serve specially brewed (and especially strong at about 6% alcohol) Oktoberfest beer in 1 liter beer mugs called Maß (remember that funny letter is like "ss", so effectively it's a Mass, which rhymes with das).
Now I'm someone who doesn't usually like beer. I'm a wino myself. But Oktoberfest beer is different. It really does taste better than regular beer (apparently they add extra sugar) and somehow the atmosphere just helps it go down easy. Maybe a little too easy....
I was there with my mom and my hubby, and we would order two at a time and sort of share them both between us. I have to say, I lost count after the second round. We started outside one of the tents in a little somewhat secluded area for our first round,
but soon moved into the tent. And then moved onto a different tent, as well as peeking our heads in a couple more besides that.
And what an amazing spectacle! The tents are varying sizes, but the larger ones hold up to 6000 people (!!!!). Each tent has a band playing in the center of the floor.
...and as the evening wares on, the dancing and singing get wilder and louder. Lots of people stand up on the benches and tables and dance, and some come crashing down ~you really do need to look out.
None of these pictures comes close to conveying the atmosphere and energy found in the beer tents at night. It's really really loud and vibrant and just crazy, in its very own Bavarian Oktoberfest sort of way. The people are all happy (an uncommon sight indeed in this country!) and friendly and it's easy to chat and dance and exchange smiles and share laughs with strangers.
After a few rounds we stumbled on over to an area where the rides are:
and rode a roller coaster called Höllenblitz, (Hell Flash). As scary as they tried to make it look from the outside, it was sure lame on the inside (I know some people like that, haha!). It was all in the dark, with some lasers and flashes going off. Oooooohhhh I'm scared!
But it was fun despite having no Flash of Hell whatsoever, as evidenced by the goofy look on my face.
On another note:
As you can imagine, Oktoberfest is no place for recovering alcoholics. Duh. Why am I bringing this up? Because, believe it or not, there is actually one place that does not serve alcohol:
You can see what a booming business they're doing. To be honest, it somehow made me sad to see that this was the most deserted corner of the whole place, not sure why as it just makes sense that people want to drink at Oktoberfest.
Notice in the first picture that they are also the only place that actually provided toys for children. We came into the Oktoberfest around 6pm, just as the day shift was heading home, and we saw plenty of kids among them. So I guess this non-alcohol place must be fuller during the day. And as a parent I am always happy to see there's somewhere that takes children into consideration and provides the likes of highchairs, crayons and paper, toys, and a kids' menu. For us, it was the ideal place to use the toilet ~no lines! Had we had Babu with us I'm sure this would've been a great place to stop for an apple juice. And actually we did consider bringing him during the day (not only are children banned from the beer tents after 8pm, but only a seriously confused parent would even think about bringing a child into that mess). But luckily my mother-in-law talked us out of it and graciously offered to babysit while we went to fill ourselves with beer at night. And as soon as we arrived it was obvious that, even during the day, this is no place for a young child. It's just too hectic and overwhelming ~a real assault on the senses. In fact we look forward to enjoying Oktoberfest with Babu someday. When he's still a kid we can go on rides together, and when he's older we can dance on tables to the worst hits of the 80s played by a Bavarian band while sucking down beer together. But until he's, I don't know, maybe three or four or maybe even older, we will steer him far clear of this event.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
The Baby Bible
This will be the last of my posts reviewing parenting books and teachers for awhile. I think it's more boring and I fear losing one or two of my perhaps three regular readers. I'll do more on this series later though for sure, as well as more random parenting-related posts.
No series of parenting book reviews would be complete without what I call The Baby Bible: The Baby Book by Dr. Bill Sears and Martha Sears, RN. The Searses are the Godparents of Attachment Parenting. AP grew out of several sources~ among others the La Leche League, and the Searses. They haven't been the only ones to spread the AP word, but without them there would not be the organized concept of AP as we now know it.
As you can see from the picture, our copy is well-worn in it's almost 1.5 years of use. This book rarely spends much time on the shelf. It is just such a handy reference. It covers pretty much all you need to know for the first 2 years. The part I've found to be the best lifesaver is the health section. In fact, the Searses have a new book released this year (2011) called The Portable Pediatrician. I know we'll eventually get this book too, as it's bound to be more extensive than the health section of The Baby Book as well as covering the older childhood years. But for the first couple years and those first few midnight fevers, this book is just fine. In Babu's first year we had a bout of Roseola, a nasty, nasty case of stomach flu that lasted more than a week, a few various rashes and of course a couple fevers. This book really put my nerves at ease in those off-hours when the pediatrician was not available, yet a trip to the ER would've been unnecessary. I have to say in a related note how surprised I was at just how many health issues come up with little kids. Man almighty! Both V. and I are people who generally don't get sick. I just sort of thought we'd produce a child who was like us and healthy. I didn't realize a healthy child does indeed catch some of the bugs floating around out there, as their developing immune systems learn how to fight them off. So, unless you're living in a bubble, your baby is bound to get sick at some point.
Although I have found the health section to be most handy as a reference, as well as the chapters on infant development, the fact is any old parenting book can offer those things. What makes this book extraordinary is that it lays out the backbone of Attachment Parenting, and all the nitty-gritty details of how and why. Just a quick reference here to the 8 Principles of AP:
~ Prepare for pregnancy, birth and parenting
~ Feed with love and respect
~ Respond with sensitivity
~ Use nurturing touch
~ Ensure safe sleep, physically and emotionally
~ Provide consistent and loving care
~ Practice positive discipline
~ Strive for balance in personal and family life
I could sit here all day and write about these principles, but rather than bore you to death, dear reader, I'll just include them in future posts as they relate to my own parenting journey. For the absolutely enthralled here is a link to the API (AP International) website, where you can browse around for more detailed info: http://www.attachmentparenting.org.
So, the Sears' Baby Book has chapters on pregnancy and birth, breastfeeding (including starting solids, weaning and bottle feeding), and cosleeping:
...which goes under the heading Nighttime Parenting. This is one area where this book and AP differ greatly from other parenting paths. It goes under the principles: ensure safe sleep physically and emotionally, and provide consistent loving care. According to Dr. Sears and AP, a parent does not go off-duty from 8pm-7am. I think this is one of the things about AP that many people find unbearable. Hell, even AP parents find it unbearable sometimes, when your baby is up and won't go back to sleep at 4am. But a baby's needs do not get magically turned off at night. I had typed out a whole rant about the popular sleep training method called Cry It Out (aka CIO) where you teach your baby to "self-soothe" him or herself to sleep, aka letting them scream themselves to sleep until they realize no one cares and give up and just go to sleep, aka losing trust in their parents and themselves. But I really do want to keep my one or two loyal readers so I won't bore you with it. If you really need convincing why it's cruel and borderline abusive to let your baby cry themselves to sleep, you can read what Dr. Sears has to say about it (he's a lot more diplomatic about it than I am) from his website here.
Along with Nighttime Parenting goes Cosleeping, another cornerstone of AP. As a friend of mine always says, AP is not a checklist but more a direction, and likewise many AP-practicing parents have their baby in a crib. Some babies and certainly some parents sleep better in their own space. But most AP parents do sleep with their babies, and Dr. Sears will help parents learn how to cosleep safely. For me cosleeping was a no-brainer. Not just to do it, but how. We personally do not follow Dr. Sears' advice to have the baby on mom's side (as seen in the above picture from the book), and not between the parents. I see how it's safer on mom's side, but I have never felt unsafe and V. also naps with Babu sometimes and seems to be aware enough of him not to roll over onto him and squash him. But some folks hear one news story of a drunk 400 pound father rolling over onto his baby in bed and killing him, and they figure it's not safe to cosleep, or to have the baby in the middle near dad, so there ya go.
There's also a big section on Babywearing. This is my only major complaint about this book. The 2003 edition I have is as yet (9.2011) the most updated, and I'd say this book is long overdue for an update. This is most evident in the Babywearing chapters. The big disservice they do to the art of babywearing is that they only talk about slings. In fact, slings are only one of many many types of baby carriers. They say at the beginning of the chapter that according to their research (which was based on decades of talking with their pediatric parents) slings are just the best. Well....for some they are, but for some they aren't. Dr. Sears doesn't even mention the other kinds of carriers (soft structured like a Mei Tai or Ergo, frame backpack, or wrap [both woven and stretch], to name a few). I personally do not use slings. I tried a couple and never felt totally secure. When Babu was a newborn we loved the Moby Wrap, and from about 4 months we have used the Ergo and will continue using it (only in back carries these days) until he outgrows it, around age three. I really don't like that this book acts as if there are only slings and offers nothing for those who don't find their way with a sling, or have only a wrap or other carrier. I also checked the resources in the back "where to buy a sling", and that was also terribly out of date. There are since countless places to buy carriers of all sorts, and even a great site called The BabyWearer, which didn't exist at the last publishing of this book. In general the book really needs to be updated with more online resources as the web and AP online has grown exponentially in the last 9 years. I would also love to see more information about, and at the very least a mention of, other types of baby carriers besides just slings.
One last thing I really love about this book is that it includes fathers:
Since this is the only baby book I have (it really is the only book a parent would need after all!) I have nothing to compare it to, but fathers are really integrated into all the advice given throughout the book, even breastfeeding. This is so important! It's wonderful that there are books out there just for daddies (I got the hubby one also written by Dr. Sears), it's great to include papas in the general parenting book, as they are parents just as much as mamas are.
So, if you're still awake and reading, this concludes my first series of parenting book and teacher reviews. You just gotta love the Searses! I'll get back to the more humorous topic of being an expat in Germany soon, I promise! I just wanted to get down the backbone of my parenting direction as it will show up throughout the rest of my parenting posts.
No series of parenting book reviews would be complete without what I call The Baby Bible: The Baby Book by Dr. Bill Sears and Martha Sears, RN. The Searses are the Godparents of Attachment Parenting. AP grew out of several sources~ among others the La Leche League, and the Searses. They haven't been the only ones to spread the AP word, but without them there would not be the organized concept of AP as we now know it.
As you can see from the picture, our copy is well-worn in it's almost 1.5 years of use. This book rarely spends much time on the shelf. It is just such a handy reference. It covers pretty much all you need to know for the first 2 years. The part I've found to be the best lifesaver is the health section. In fact, the Searses have a new book released this year (2011) called The Portable Pediatrician. I know we'll eventually get this book too, as it's bound to be more extensive than the health section of The Baby Book as well as covering the older childhood years. But for the first couple years and those first few midnight fevers, this book is just fine. In Babu's first year we had a bout of Roseola, a nasty, nasty case of stomach flu that lasted more than a week, a few various rashes and of course a couple fevers. This book really put my nerves at ease in those off-hours when the pediatrician was not available, yet a trip to the ER would've been unnecessary. I have to say in a related note how surprised I was at just how many health issues come up with little kids. Man almighty! Both V. and I are people who generally don't get sick. I just sort of thought we'd produce a child who was like us and healthy. I didn't realize a healthy child does indeed catch some of the bugs floating around out there, as their developing immune systems learn how to fight them off. So, unless you're living in a bubble, your baby is bound to get sick at some point.
Although I have found the health section to be most handy as a reference, as well as the chapters on infant development, the fact is any old parenting book can offer those things. What makes this book extraordinary is that it lays out the backbone of Attachment Parenting, and all the nitty-gritty details of how and why. Just a quick reference here to the 8 Principles of AP:
~ Prepare for pregnancy, birth and parenting
~ Feed with love and respect
~ Respond with sensitivity
~ Use nurturing touch
~ Ensure safe sleep, physically and emotionally
~ Provide consistent and loving care
~ Practice positive discipline
~ Strive for balance in personal and family life
I could sit here all day and write about these principles, but rather than bore you to death, dear reader, I'll just include them in future posts as they relate to my own parenting journey. For the absolutely enthralled here is a link to the API (AP International) website, where you can browse around for more detailed info: http://www.attachmentparenting.org.
So, the Sears' Baby Book has chapters on pregnancy and birth, breastfeeding (including starting solids, weaning and bottle feeding), and cosleeping:
...which goes under the heading Nighttime Parenting. This is one area where this book and AP differ greatly from other parenting paths. It goes under the principles: ensure safe sleep physically and emotionally, and provide consistent loving care. According to Dr. Sears and AP, a parent does not go off-duty from 8pm-7am. I think this is one of the things about AP that many people find unbearable. Hell, even AP parents find it unbearable sometimes, when your baby is up and won't go back to sleep at 4am. But a baby's needs do not get magically turned off at night. I had typed out a whole rant about the popular sleep training method called Cry It Out (aka CIO) where you teach your baby to "self-soothe" him or herself to sleep, aka letting them scream themselves to sleep until they realize no one cares and give up and just go to sleep, aka losing trust in their parents and themselves. But I really do want to keep my one or two loyal readers so I won't bore you with it. If you really need convincing why it's cruel and borderline abusive to let your baby cry themselves to sleep, you can read what Dr. Sears has to say about it (he's a lot more diplomatic about it than I am) from his website here.
Along with Nighttime Parenting goes Cosleeping, another cornerstone of AP. As a friend of mine always says, AP is not a checklist but more a direction, and likewise many AP-practicing parents have their baby in a crib. Some babies and certainly some parents sleep better in their own space. But most AP parents do sleep with their babies, and Dr. Sears will help parents learn how to cosleep safely. For me cosleeping was a no-brainer. Not just to do it, but how. We personally do not follow Dr. Sears' advice to have the baby on mom's side (as seen in the above picture from the book), and not between the parents. I see how it's safer on mom's side, but I have never felt unsafe and V. also naps with Babu sometimes and seems to be aware enough of him not to roll over onto him and squash him. But some folks hear one news story of a drunk 400 pound father rolling over onto his baby in bed and killing him, and they figure it's not safe to cosleep, or to have the baby in the middle near dad, so there ya go.
There's also a big section on Babywearing. This is my only major complaint about this book. The 2003 edition I have is as yet (9.2011) the most updated, and I'd say this book is long overdue for an update. This is most evident in the Babywearing chapters. The big disservice they do to the art of babywearing is that they only talk about slings. In fact, slings are only one of many many types of baby carriers. They say at the beginning of the chapter that according to their research (which was based on decades of talking with their pediatric parents) slings are just the best. Well....for some they are, but for some they aren't. Dr. Sears doesn't even mention the other kinds of carriers (soft structured like a Mei Tai or Ergo, frame backpack, or wrap [both woven and stretch], to name a few). I personally do not use slings. I tried a couple and never felt totally secure. When Babu was a newborn we loved the Moby Wrap, and from about 4 months we have used the Ergo and will continue using it (only in back carries these days) until he outgrows it, around age three. I really don't like that this book acts as if there are only slings and offers nothing for those who don't find their way with a sling, or have only a wrap or other carrier. I also checked the resources in the back "where to buy a sling", and that was also terribly out of date. There are since countless places to buy carriers of all sorts, and even a great site called The BabyWearer, which didn't exist at the last publishing of this book. In general the book really needs to be updated with more online resources as the web and AP online has grown exponentially in the last 9 years. I would also love to see more information about, and at the very least a mention of, other types of baby carriers besides just slings.
One last thing I really love about this book is that it includes fathers:
Since this is the only baby book I have (it really is the only book a parent would need after all!) I have nothing to compare it to, but fathers are really integrated into all the advice given throughout the book, even breastfeeding. This is so important! It's wonderful that there are books out there just for daddies (I got the hubby one also written by Dr. Sears), it's great to include papas in the general parenting book, as they are parents just as much as mamas are.
So, if you're still awake and reading, this concludes my first series of parenting book and teacher reviews. You just gotta love the Searses! I'll get back to the more humorous topic of being an expat in Germany soon, I promise! I just wanted to get down the backbone of my parenting direction as it will show up throughout the rest of my parenting posts.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Baby-Led Weaning
Baby-Led Weaning is a misnomer. It should be called Baby-Led Solids or Baby-Led Feeding. The reason it's called Baby-Led Weaning is that weaning actually begins when a baby starts eating solids, even if they won't stop nursing for another couple years after that. Baby-Led Weaning (or BLW as it's known) is a way of introducing solids to a baby without spoon-feeding purees. It is based on a paper by Gil Rapley. You can read more about it on their website: http://www.babyledweaning.com/
I'd like to share a little bit about the book and our experience using this approach.
This book helps parents recognize the signs of readiness which indicate your baby is ready to start solids:
~ can sit unassisted
~ shows an interest in food (ie reaching for your food)
~ can hold food and get it into their mouth
~ loss of the tongue-thrust reflex
and then goes on to give lots of ideas for first foods. The main difference between BLW and the way most people start solids is that you are not mashing up the food and spoon feeding it to the baby, rather you start right off with finger foods and let the baby feed him or herself. The only things which are off-limits are (duh) choking hazards like whole nuts (an extensive list of foods which pose choking hazards is given in the book), and salt (which babies' immature kidneys cannot yet properly process). Some people wait until one year to introduce common allergens like nuts, and sometimes grains or dairy as well.
You might wonder how a baby with few or no teeth is able to chew up food. You'd be surprised how much chewing those gums can do! In BLW the baby learns to chew before they learn to swallow, whereas with traditional purees it's the other way round. At 15 months Babu still sometimes chews up his food and then spits it out. I'm looking forward to the day when all or most of his food lands in his stomach!
We started offering Babu solids at 6 months. At first it was peeled apple slices, cucumbers, and steamed carrots and broccoli. Here's a picture from one of the very first times I gave him solids. You can see how he wasn't quite able to sit on his own in the highchair and we had to stuff a blanket behind him to keep him upright.
I was surprised how much Babu loved broccoli!
We soon introduced avocado, sweet potato and other plain steamed veggies. We waited until he was around 10 or 11 months to introduce grains and dairy, and at that time he started eating cheese and yogurt, as well as spelt crackers. It wasn't until close to a year that we started just giving him whatever we were eating (although in the book it recommends doing this from the get-go, at first I felt better giving him pure fruits and veggies). So far the only thing he seems to have a reaction to is cinnamon, and he cannot stand anything spicy so we now leave out the cayenne if a recipe calls for it. He loves beans and cheese and avocado, but unfortunately he's lost his love of broccoli!
One thing about BLW which puts many a mama off is that your baby will most likely gag a bit at first. We actually went on a trip to the US soon after introducing solids, and I remember Babu spitting up at nearly every meal. I felt prepared though as the book talks a lot about this and I knew to expect it. I also knew that gagging is a good sign and is not the same as choking. Choking is when the child can't get any air because there's food lodged in the throat, and it is silent, unlike gagging. Gagging is the baby actually removing the food from the throat, which prevents choking. I think just because I had read about it and knew it wasn't anything to panic over, it really didn't freak me out when Babu gagged. It only happened in the first few weeks, and with decreasing frequency as he learned to swallow properly. But many moms give up BLW as soon as they encounter gagging, because it just freaks them out.
That's too bad, because I am thoroughly convinced that BLW is the way to go. Not only do the parents (let's face it: the moms) save loads of hassle by not having to puree all the baby's food (or worse, spend money on jarred baby food), but it gives the baby autonomy and control over their eating habits. It allows the baby to decide what and how much to eat. Many parents consistently overfeed their babies when spoon feeding. BLW helps the child to recognize when he or she is full, and stop eating. This is a very important skill, as many overweight adults can tell you. I believe strongly in giving children as much freedom over their lives and own decisions as possible. Of course a baby isn't capable of making all their own decisions, but food is one thing they can exercise some control over. We always offer Babu several things, and he eats what appeals to him at that moment. Then there is always a clear point when he's done ~these days marked by him standing up in his highchair!
Babies who are introduced to solids through BLW develop wider palettes as their food intake is not limited to bland purees. I've heard from mamas who claim their children are better eaters because of BLW, and also from mamas who say their BLWed baby used to eat anything but all that changed and they now have a picky eater. So, there's no telling. But I have learned that, besides choking hazards (like raw carrots or whole nuts), there isn't much a baby or toddler shouldn't be offered as far as tastes and variety. And if they don't like something at first, try again a few weeks or months later.
For anyone with a baby, I can highly recommend the book and the Baby-Led Weaning method for starting solids. It is so much easier than making all your baby's food, and it gives the baby control and the chance to learn what he or she likes, and how to stop eating when full.
I'd like to share a little bit about the book and our experience using this approach.
This book helps parents recognize the signs of readiness which indicate your baby is ready to start solids:
~ can sit unassisted
~ shows an interest in food (ie reaching for your food)
~ can hold food and get it into their mouth
~ loss of the tongue-thrust reflex
and then goes on to give lots of ideas for first foods. The main difference between BLW and the way most people start solids is that you are not mashing up the food and spoon feeding it to the baby, rather you start right off with finger foods and let the baby feed him or herself. The only things which are off-limits are (duh) choking hazards like whole nuts (an extensive list of foods which pose choking hazards is given in the book), and salt (which babies' immature kidneys cannot yet properly process). Some people wait until one year to introduce common allergens like nuts, and sometimes grains or dairy as well.
You might wonder how a baby with few or no teeth is able to chew up food. You'd be surprised how much chewing those gums can do! In BLW the baby learns to chew before they learn to swallow, whereas with traditional purees it's the other way round. At 15 months Babu still sometimes chews up his food and then spits it out. I'm looking forward to the day when all or most of his food lands in his stomach!
We started offering Babu solids at 6 months. At first it was peeled apple slices, cucumbers, and steamed carrots and broccoli. Here's a picture from one of the very first times I gave him solids. You can see how he wasn't quite able to sit on his own in the highchair and we had to stuff a blanket behind him to keep him upright.
I was surprised how much Babu loved broccoli!
We soon introduced avocado, sweet potato and other plain steamed veggies. We waited until he was around 10 or 11 months to introduce grains and dairy, and at that time he started eating cheese and yogurt, as well as spelt crackers. It wasn't until close to a year that we started just giving him whatever we were eating (although in the book it recommends doing this from the get-go, at first I felt better giving him pure fruits and veggies). So far the only thing he seems to have a reaction to is cinnamon, and he cannot stand anything spicy so we now leave out the cayenne if a recipe calls for it. He loves beans and cheese and avocado, but unfortunately he's lost his love of broccoli!
One thing about BLW which puts many a mama off is that your baby will most likely gag a bit at first. We actually went on a trip to the US soon after introducing solids, and I remember Babu spitting up at nearly every meal. I felt prepared though as the book talks a lot about this and I knew to expect it. I also knew that gagging is a good sign and is not the same as choking. Choking is when the child can't get any air because there's food lodged in the throat, and it is silent, unlike gagging. Gagging is the baby actually removing the food from the throat, which prevents choking. I think just because I had read about it and knew it wasn't anything to panic over, it really didn't freak me out when Babu gagged. It only happened in the first few weeks, and with decreasing frequency as he learned to swallow properly. But many moms give up BLW as soon as they encounter gagging, because it just freaks them out.
That's too bad, because I am thoroughly convinced that BLW is the way to go. Not only do the parents (let's face it: the moms) save loads of hassle by not having to puree all the baby's food (or worse, spend money on jarred baby food), but it gives the baby autonomy and control over their eating habits. It allows the baby to decide what and how much to eat. Many parents consistently overfeed their babies when spoon feeding. BLW helps the child to recognize when he or she is full, and stop eating. This is a very important skill, as many overweight adults can tell you. I believe strongly in giving children as much freedom over their lives and own decisions as possible. Of course a baby isn't capable of making all their own decisions, but food is one thing they can exercise some control over. We always offer Babu several things, and he eats what appeals to him at that moment. Then there is always a clear point when he's done ~these days marked by him standing up in his highchair!
Babies who are introduced to solids through BLW develop wider palettes as their food intake is not limited to bland purees. I've heard from mamas who claim their children are better eaters because of BLW, and also from mamas who say their BLWed baby used to eat anything but all that changed and they now have a picky eater. So, there's no telling. But I have learned that, besides choking hazards (like raw carrots or whole nuts), there isn't much a baby or toddler shouldn't be offered as far as tastes and variety. And if they don't like something at first, try again a few weeks or months later.
For anyone with a baby, I can highly recommend the book and the Baby-Led Weaning method for starting solids. It is so much easier than making all your baby's food, and it gives the baby control and the chance to learn what he or she likes, and how to stop eating when full.
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