Sunday, September 4, 2011

Gah! Does this HAVE TO be in German!?

Okay, as I wrote that title I realized it has a double meaning. I meant, originally, that all the words on this blog ~the places you can click and the general language~ not what I write but the other words~ are all in German. I've noticed that when I visit other blogs, regardless of the language the blog is written in, it obviously finds my ISP addy and goes from there, so everything comes up in German. But dammit I am American and this blog is written and read in English and I want the whole damn thing to be in English! How the hell are my readers supposed to navigate around if it's all in German?! There probably is some way to change these settings, but so far I haven't found them.
So, for now: you, dear reader, are stuck with German around the edges although this blog is in English.
 (edited to add: I think if you're reading this from anywhere other than Germany or Austria or Switzerland, it'll actually come up in English so forget that!)

...and that brings me to the double meaning. My life, it seems, is in English with German around the edges. I have been here in "The Fatherland" (aka Germany) for 8 years now. My German is pretty good, so they say. But I am somehow averse to speaking it. Not in those everyday situations, like calling the glass company to find out when our door will be delivered, or finding out that my son only slept 30 minutes at daycare and that the daycare provider has yet another day off next week (*sigh*, all those German holidays)...you know, that sort of thing I can handle beautifully if I do say so my damn self. There, my German is fluent and fine. But in social situations...that's where I flounder. They say ("they" being my hubby and a few other German folks I socialize with) my German is great. But inside it sure doesn't feel that way. Inside it feels like only 50-75% of my personality is coming through. That the rest is rattling the cage trying to get out and make a point, but can't find the words. I know, I know....my energy and heart come through regardless of how eloquent I am. I know from my interactions with Max that one need not know any language to get one's point across and have a perfectly heartful communication. Yet I still feel this way. Somehow my ego is tied to being intellectual and eloquent. And I can't do that in German. The hubster would say it's good for my spiritual development that my ego gets thwarted by the language barrier. And perhaps it's so. In any case it's enormously frustrating to be confronted with the limitations of speaking a second language.

And so I open this new blog with the spirit of enquiry into my life situation. My favorite spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle always makes the distinction between your life and your life situation. My current life situation finds me playing the role of mama to the inimitable Max, and living in a country which I did not grow up in. There is no suitable word for that. I don't like the term foreign country because, well, the more I'm here the less foreign it is. It may be foreign to a tourist, but not to me. Japan is a foreign country. Germany, however, is not (much as I am still and always uncovering new facets of the culture here, it's quite familiar by now). The phrase living abroad also doesn't quite fit somehow. It implies that you will some day go back to your native country and living in that other country is just a stint and a phase. I always think of students spending a semester abroad, or travelling abroad. There is that implied connection to the native country that makes the stay in the other country temporary. And really I have no idea if my stay here is temporary. Well of course it is, in the sense my stay in this body and this life is temporary, as it is for all of us! But actually I have no idea if I'll ever live in the good old United States again (sorry Mom and Dad). But indeed the connection will always be strong. No matter how spiritual I think I am and how much I try to transcend my cultural conditioning, there remains this invisible cord always keeping me somehow tethered to the American culture. I couldn't think of a looser term than tethered (tied sounded even harsher), but the fact is, I will always be American.I will always see Germany through the eyes of an outsider. And I like that! For the most part I like being a foreigner. But man almighty it has it's challenges.

In this blog I want to share some of my cultural observations ~from the more objective eyes of a person who did not get the cultural conditioning of this particular land. And cultural observations in general. I also want to share my journey as a mama. What a trip it is to be a parent!!! And a bicultural parent, raising a bilingual, bicultural child. I also want to share my experiences on a so-called spiritual path. I say "so-called" because attaching the word spiritual to one's character has this arrogant connotation to it somehow, doesn't it? Like "oh, I'm so spiritual, hoooohoooo!" Bah! I also want to share my parenting journey as someone doing many thing the unconventional way. They call it Attachment Parenting...but that too has this hoo-hoo hippier-that-thou underlying meaning to it, so let's be careful the labels we attach to ourselves.

I am who I am, imperfect and just going along here. This is my blog. Welcome!


7 comments:

  1. A friend (and fellow American in Germany) just reminded me that the usual term for what we are is 'expat'. Indeed, that's the best word for it. However, the full term 'expatriate' I cannot stand. It sounds too much like ex-patriotic. I was never patriotic to begin with, so I'm certainly not ex-patriotic. But henceforth I shall use the word 'expat'. Thanks T.!

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  2. I was also just informed by someone in the US that indeed the language of the blog is German. So I suppose it would be kinda hard for non-German speakers to figure out how to subscribe, make comments, etc. I'm working on getting the language changed, or if not then making a "Help" guide permanently on the sidebar.

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  4. Wah! Just getting the hand of this, I tried to edit something from that last post and deleted it. Anyway, I think I did it ~it should all (or mostly all) be in English now. Please let me know if not. Thanks :-)

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  5. ...getting the "hang", not "hand" of this. Haha! Seems these comments can't be edited once posted.

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  6. Not much time right now, so I just want to say this is good stuff - go on blogging, Mama...
    The hubby

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  7. it is in perfect english on my california based browser... is a pleasure to read... keep it up!!!

    we love you

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